I have not written anything in a long time. I have been living in a perpetual state of writer’s block. Every time I sat down to write something the words all stayed in my head. I could not manage to put them onto paper.
Each time I wanted to write, my subconscious would say “You have nothing of importance to say. People will get offended by whatever you write, it’s 2017. Your writing is not good enough. You’re just a sixteen year old girl with a blog that no one reads.”
Most of the time my biggest stumbling block is myself. I overthink things way too much. I cannot conquer so many of the fears that cripple me. The future scares me, being thrown into places where everyone knows each other while I am an outsider scares me, losing people scares me. One of my biggest fears is living a life which has little to no meaning. A life where I struggle to survive and maintain a mediocre existence while never really helping others or making a difference.
What if I never achieve my dreams? What if life passes me by? What if I die young? What if I never fall in love? What if, what if, what if…
My expectations are way too high. I have already achieved some of my dreams but since they are in my past now I forget about them. But they were my dreams at one point and already I have achieved them.
One of my biggest dreams as a little girl was to see a live koala. I know that sounds strange, but I loved them. I knew everything there was to know about them. In 2015 I got to see one at a zoo in San Diego. It was sleeping. But that was a dream come true. One of my dreams was to read “War and Peace” by Leo Tolstoy before I was fifteen. It took me months, but I did it (I don’t recommend it). My biggest dream was to travel. I wanted nothing more. I read books of far off places and made an ever growing bucket list. In 2013 that dream came true, and again in 2015. In 2016 we travelled internationally. I discovered Israel and Palestine. We stayed on an island in the Aegean Sea in Greece and served refugees in Athens. This year that dream came true again, and possibly my biggest dream yet was fulfilled. I wanted to see England. We were there for just about an hour, but still..it was another dream that came true.
Sitting here in an empty room with a cup of coffee and a lot of school work to do, I am finally finding something to write about again. I just gained new perspective. We say things like, “I am never going to see my dreams become reality, What if I end up failing? Where will I be in ten years?” But what we forget is that, we have already accomplished things that we once dreamed about. I am living in a time I never thought I would get to. I used to dream about being a teenager and getting more freedom, but as soon as I became a teenager I started wishing I was an adult. I think we’re too caught up with the next thing. I know I am.
I think we all have a little bit of “save the world” in us. We want to “be something,” make something great out of ourselves, go places, become a figure, get rich, cure cancer, whatever it is. And those are wonderful things. Some of us might actually become pop stars or cure cancer, but you know what? We cannot save the world. Not alone. And what’s more, we’re not supposed to.
Here is how we save the world: First, we can save ourselves. We pull ourselves out of toxic relationships, learn how to be patient, learn how to love better. Then we save each other. Humanitarian efforts are beautiful, but we can also save the world by lifting others up, loving our families, smiling at strangers, not forgetting the people who matter. We can save the world by choosing not to hate, by being selfless, and minding our own business sometimes. God will do the rest.
It’s ok if we don’t invent something to cure all disease and bring everyone together into one big family. That’s not going to happen. I think it’s ok if we just live our lives, if we pursue our passions and inspire others. “Being great” doesn’t always mean winning an Oscar, or becoming a neurosurgeon. It can, but sometimes it just means, watering the flowers in your own garden and following your dreams, great or small.
Oh and by the way, Happy Halloween.